I remember watching Conan O’Brien’s farewell speech last year and something he said always stuck with me: “Try and do what you love with people you love.  And if you can manage that, it’s the definition of heaven on earth.” 

Last week Leadership Enthusiast celebrated its one year anniversary!  It’s been a year filled with amazing clients and great learnings, and to say I am filled with gratitude is an understatement.  I am extremely grateful to have found a little slice of professional heaven on earth.  So, please pardon the mushy sentiments, but some serious thank you’s are in order.   

To my awesome clients – it has been an absolute honor to serve you.  Thank you for your partnership and your dedication to continuous improvement (for yourself and that of your people).  The connections we have made continue to make work worthwhile and meaningful.   

To my dear friends – you have been my coaches, cheerleaders, and champions.  Thank you for your unwavering love and support, spontaneous dance parties, long walks and talks, and great big hugs.

To my family – feeling your pride has been a constant source of motivation.  Thank you for believing in me and I can’t wait to celebrate properly (poolside with plenty of games, guacamole, and carne asada).   

To Jim – you never cease to make me laugh.  Thank you for being my biggest champion and for pushing me to keep taking risks.  This journey we are on is full of love, laughter, and adventure and I would not have it any other way. 

Below are 10 of my favorite leadership development books and podcasts. Some fall on the traditional side of leadership development and others less so.  For all of them, I like what they make me think about.  Sharing them is my way of saying a final thank you – to all of YOU who read my occasional musings.  I hope they bring you new insights, inspiration, and enrichment. 

1. Positive Intelligence – there are a lot of gems in this book for those wanting help minimizing a harsh inner critic.  Beyond the book, you can take a free assessment that highlights your “saboteurs”. Exploring the results has been a great unlock for a lot of my coaching clients. 

2. The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever – easy to read and full of practicality.  Great coaching questions to ask as a leader. 

3. The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse – I’m late to the party on this one.  It came out in 2019.  Each page is full of touching words, beautiful illustrations, and lessons we all need to hear. 

4. The Moth  – Storytelling is such a powerful tool in a leader’s toolbox, but it is often underutilized.  Hearing these stories never ceases to inspire me and I hope it might inspire you to craft your own story. 

5. Dare to Lead– Brene Brown’s podcast on the challenges of leading.  A few favorite episodes include: 

   1. Dare to Lead:  The Advice Trap and Staying Curious Just a Little Longer

   2. Dare to Lead:  Atomic Habits, Part I with James Clear

   3. Dare to Lead: Atomic Habits, Part II with James Clear

6. Herding Tigers: Be the Leader That Creative People Need – I finally got around to reading this one and enjoyed it a lot.  Great takeaways for those leading creative teams.

7. From Start-Up to Grown-Up: Grow Your Leadership to Grow Your Business – Ok, truth be told, I just started reading this book, but so far, I really like it. Lots of useful ideas and strategies specific to the start-up space.   Think of it like a guidebook for managing yourself and your business. 

8. How I Built This – Guy Raz is a great host, and this podcast focuses on the origin stories of how people created their business.  A recent favorite episode features Jason Citron and how Discord was born. 

   1. How I Built This - Discord: Jason Citron

9. Freakonomics Radio  – Steve Dubner’s voice is so soothing to me. I feel like I get smarter just by listening to him.  It’s fun exploring various ideas that I wouldn’t normally be exposed to.

10. Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard – another great avenue to hear people’s stories, understand what makes them tick, and learn about their craft.

If you have other favorites, please drop me a note or leave your recommendation in the comments of whatever social media channel I used to share this. I love the idea of sharing our “finds” so that others can benefit.  Until next time, happy learning and leading!    

The first few weeks in January is always an interesting time of year.  Many of us have jumped into the New Year full of intentions to make positive changes, both small and large.  Health goals, professional goals, and everything in between.  The promise of new and different is in the air and it feels good. 

At the same time…

I don’t know about you, but after the holidays I still have this nagging desire to snuggle under the covers and drown myself in Netflix.  2021 is gone, but 2022 isn’t fully operational just yet.  It’s a weird space.  Part of me wants to sprint towards the future and the other part wants to stay where it is comfortable.  Change management experts, like William Bridges, call this period the neutral zone and describe it as the time between the old reality and sense of identity and a new one. I call it the “I have no muscle memory yet for my new routines and it’s exhausting” zone.  I need a little push of inspiration.  Maybe you do too? 

This week I found some inspo by revisiting the very first article I wrote last year. My first Occasional Musing! At the time, the theme of new beginnings was on my mind and the article was an exercise in looking backwards to capture the lessons that 2020 taught me.  I didn’t realize it then, but I see now that the process of creating my list served another vital purpose.  It was an outline of progress.  A highlight reel so to speak.

When people see how far they have traveled or how much they have grown…it can breathe life and oxygen into those tired “just leave me alone with my Netflix” muscles.  Recognizing what you have learned along the journey doesn’t magically make it easy to push through the neutral zone.  But it does make it a bit easier because it’s an opportunity to recognize that momentum is there.  Improvement is visible. You’ve made some progress already.  You aren’t starting at zero.  Forward motion has been happening. Maybe you start to think and believe…I can do this!

As I’ve mentioned in my previous Musings, I also firmly believe there is tremendous value in taking a strategic pause, especially for anyone in a leadership role.  In a world where responsibilities are always added to your plate, slowing down in order to go fast is essential to good problem solving and critical thinking.  It creates space for intentional actions, being curious, quality over quantity, and a focus on priorities with the biggest impact.  Who doesn’t want more of that?  Or should I say, who doesn’t need more of that? 

So here we are – my very own progress bar that ended up being just the motivation I needed.  Anyone else picture the XP bar in World of Warcraft when you are about to level up?  Ding!  My list of 2021 lessons learned:   

1.      Run your own race.  Starting my own business and having the opportunity to coach leaders doing the same, reinforced the notion that comparison will quickly kill confidence, a sense of progress, and a host of other things.  Focus on you, what matters most to your product and your teams, and run your own pace.  Looking around at others only pulls you off track. 

2.      Minimize unhealthy escapism.  Getting rid of Twitter was a game changer! My overall happiness improved measurably.

3.      Storytelling is powerful.  It helps connect and create clarity. Leaders take note:  a good story, especially one that is personal, can inspire those around you.  Plus, getting connected to my own story provided me another source of motivation in moving towards my goals. 

4.      Practice Positive Intelligence.  This book and the free assessment that goes with it helped me quiet my very harsh inner critic.  As an added bonus, it has been a significant unlock for a lot of my coaching clients.  I can’t recommend it enough. 

5.      No one has it all figured out.  And I mean no one.  Despite what you see on the outside, every person is dealing with their own demons or insecurities.  This leads back to lesson #1. 

6.      Take one extra PTO day after your vacation.  Somehow that one day to unpack, do laundry, and chill makes a world of difference.  I don’t know why I never did this before. 

7.      Put back your shopping cart.  Don’t leave it next to your car.  The little things matter now more than ever.  Small acts of kindness and leaving things better than how you found them make a difference to our world.  Do your part in taking care of this place, your company, and each other.

8.      Vision boards work.  I hate to admit it, but I used to frequently poo-poo the idea of a vision board.  I was so wrong.  It’s powerful to see a visual representation of what you want. A big thank you to the Hudson Institute for waking me up to that. 

9.      Discover healthy diversions.  For me, jigsaw puzzles are soothing as hell, especially when you see crazy stuff happening all over the world.  Somehow the small act of finding the right pieces gives me a temporary feeling of control when things feel uncontrollable. Exercise and meditation continue to be my go-to’s here too.   

10.   If I don’t clean up as I go, there will be a bigger mess later.  Invest the required time and energy up front.  It always costs more if you wait.  For example, managers, this is your nudge to deal with that person who is under performing now to avoid a bigger and more expensive problem later. 

11.   Writing feels good.  It’s a form of expression I didn’t know I craved.  Plus, it’s rewarding to share things I deeply care about to help strengthen my “it’s ok to be vulnerable” muscle. 

12.   Girlfriends are my force multiplier.  I am so grateful to have a full tribe of women that listen, care, and lift me up. Give gratitude to the community of folks that help you be better.   

13.   New = good.  From small things like trying new recipes or listening to new music to big things, such as traveling to new places and launching a new business.  Experimenting and exploring things I have never done before activates my brain in healthy ways.  I also like that spending time out of my comfort zone released some sticky internal inertia that had built up after so many years at the same company. 

14.   Coaching is the fuel for my fire.  Seeing something meaningful click – that moment of insight or self-discovery – is my new addiction. To keep learning how to do it well and invest in myself, later this year I’m heading back to the Hudson Institute to earn their coaching certification.  Woot!   

15.   When you start looking for leadership lessons, they are everywhere.  Companies in crisis are always an easy place to see leadership lessons (both good and bad) in action, and oof, there was a lot of that this past year.  But also, so many moments from movies, games, TV shows, and sports (just look at coach Nick Saban after Alabama’s loss to Georgia on Monday night) bring rich leadership lessons to light.  

Sidenote:  I recently had the most fun re-watching all of The Great British Baking Show episodes (yes, all of them) and discovered a lot of leadership gems that will definitely show up in a future article.  You’ve been warned.  😊

If you made it this far, thank you for reading!  If you have enjoyed my Occasional Musings over the past year, there is now an option to subscribe on my website.  No spam.  No heavy marketing.  Just new Occasional Musings in your inbox whenever I get inspired to write them.  I also encourage you to take a pause, look backward, and create your own list of gratitude and learnings.  I dare you to not be inspired by what you discover. 

Halloween is almost here.  Cool weather, fall colors, and best of all…scary movies.  I’m talking about heart pounding, make-you-jump-off-of-the-couch kind of movies that fill you with dreadful delight.  So of course, I was inspired to write about one of the scariest, but most important leadership actions a person can take: asking for feedback. 

<Cue the dark and foreboding music>

How do you think that went?  How can I be a better leader for you?  What should I be doing more of (or less of) to help this team/project?  What am I missing?  What needs more attention from me?  Where can I be better?  Asking these kinds of questions are brave words for anyone to utter. Brave because of what comes next.  Namely feedback that might sting, challenge, or frighten you.  

Often, the easiest thing to do is not to ask in the first place.  This especially holds true when you are in a leadership role.  You risk nothing.  Unfortunately, you also gain nothing.  If that alone is not motivation enough to ask the scary, how-am-I-doing questions, here’s another one. 

A lot of leaders can suffer from a form of altitude sickness.  The higher up they go, the less feedback they get, and this makes them “sick”.  Feedback is like oxygen.  Without it, self-awareness depletes.  Your field of view of the team or the broader organization gets narrow and stagnant.  Growth and learning get stunted, and decision-making is negatively impacted. In the worst cases, attempts at offering feedback are met with defensive anger and then over time, things get quiet.  The creepy kind of quiet where you know people have useful things to say but they have learned to be silent.  The effects create a real-life horror movie that finds people inside the organization hiding, fighting to survive, or running for their lives.  It makes me think of images from The Walking Dead (during the early years when it was really good).  Operating in that type of environment is the world’s most depressing zombie apocalypse. 

Am I painting an overly dramatic picture here?  Perhaps.  My point is that as a leader not asking for feedback should be MORE frightening than asking for it. 

How do you ask for feedback as a leader?  I’m so glad you asked!  I have a few best practices that are worth sharing.  But before we dive in, there is one mandatory prerequisite when asking for feedback as a leader: TRUST.  It is the most crucial precondition.  What are the levels of trust and psychological safety that you have created within your team?  If your answer is strong and healthy, then I encourage you to face any fears and ask for feedback.  You will be better for it. 

If your answer is low, or even “I don’t know”, STOP.  What kind of feedback do you think you’ll get if your people don’t trust you?  What useful information will you hear if your people think their words might adversely affect them? There is no suspense here – you already know the answer.  The absence of trust creates a whole other level of terror along the lines of the opening scene from Jaws. OMG, I swear that film did some serious damage to my brain.  To this day, I still can’t swim in open water without worrying about something dark and dangerous below. On a serious note, if building (or repairing) trust is something you want to address, there are a plethora of strategies just a google search away and no shortage of people to help you, including me. Spending time and energy towards strengthening trusted bonds is never the wrong decision.  Ignoring trust issues keeps you in the dark and that’s the scariest place a leader can be.  

Ok, I think that’s enough of the dark imagery. It’s time to leave those shark-infested waters behind and create an alternate ending. One that leads to your growth and development as a leader.  With ample trust in hand, it’s time to ask your people the scary question…how am I doing?   

Here are some best practices to noodle on.  My hope is that these ideas help to maximize your comfort in asking feedback and minimize what might be scary for you.

1.     Context helps.  Tell people why you are asking for feedback, especially if it’s not part of your normal practice.  Perhaps share that you are asking because you want to improve.  Or I also like something along the lines of, “I value your perspective and I think you might have some feedback that I need to hear.” 

2.     Make it safe to share all of it.  Give explicit permission for the good, bad, and the ugly. 

3.     Opt for open-ended questions vs close-ended questions.  Something like, “How can I improve as your manager?” is much more effective than, “Do you have any feedback for me?” 

4.     Listen.  Really listen. Take time to reflect on what is being shared. 

5.     Seek first to understand.  Ask thoughtful questions and take care to curb any defensiveness tendencies. 

6.     Give time.  Some people need more time to think about things.  During a 1:1, you could say something like, “I’m curious how I can be a better manager for you and our team and would appreciate your feedback.  Give it some thought, and I’d love to hear your ideas during our next 1:1.” 

7.     Provide focus.  Narrowing in makes it easier for people to share their feedback.  Example, “I don’t think that meeting went well.  What could I have done better or differently there?” 

8.     Variety is the spice of life.  Consider getting multiple perspectives.  Your direct reports.  Peers. Your manager.  Partners.  Customers. 

9.     For all that is good and holy, say thank you. This is particularly important when you have heard some harsh feedback. An authentic thank is also vital when feedback is from a direct report.  Giving critical feedback to your boss is just as scary (sometimes more so) than asking for it.  Reward their bravery.    

10.  Make it a habit.  Keep asking for feedback.  The goal here is progress, not perfection. 

What would you add to this list?  I’d love to learn other tips and strategies you have found to be successful.  Or better yet, for those of you that regularly ask for feedback, what have you gained from doing so?  How has it shaped you as a leader and manager? 

Warning: This post happily contains many 80’s music references.

MTV is 40 years old!

40. 

Years.

Old. 

How did that happen? Just yesterday I was desperately trying to replicate the dance moves of  Madonna, wishing I could sing like Pat Benatar, and daydreaming about being the next Martha Quinn. Memories are flooding back and I’m silently cringing at myself and all my teenage awkwardness. It got me thinking and reflecting. What life lessons would I want to tell the girl with posters of The Outsiders all over her room and a deep love for The Go-Go's?   

1. Be kind to others, and especially to yourself.

2. Start each day with gratitude. Actively look for things that you are grateful for.

3. The voice in your head isn’t always correct. You are worthy. You are good enough. Full stop.

4. Don’t sweat the small stuff, especially at your wedding. It’s the marriage that really matters.

5. At work, don’t tolerate the brilliant jerks. At their best, they make you feel bad about yourself. At their worst, they create an environment where disrespect is normalized, and that my friend, is a slippery slope that creates more damage than his or her brilliance could ever bring to the team.

6. Your girlfriends are EVERYTHING. Treasure those relationships because they’ll expand your heart.

7. Be curious. Explore the world. Don’t let what scares you dictate your actions.

8. Give your mom a break. She’s doing the best she can, and you can be a pain in the ass sometimes.

9. Mark Twain said, “comparison is the death of joy”. A world of yes to this. See #1 and #3.

10. Things won’t always go the way you want. You will experience great loss and there’s no way to avoid it. Ask for help and know that there’s no shortage of people that love you.

11. Janine is your touchstone. Being her big sister and navigating life with her will be one of your greatest joys.

12. Rumi said, “your heart knows the way, run in that direction.” Trust your instincts. You’ve stumbled anytime you didn’t listen to them.

13. There’s something to this meditation thing. It will give you space to care for yourself.

14. Playing volleyball will teach you so much about being a leader and teammate, and about how to lose and how to win.

15. Maya Angelou has this awesome quote: “Most people don’t grow up. It’s too damn difficult. What happens is most people get older.” Don’t just get older. Do the work of growing up. This means falling down, getting back up, taking responsibility, being vulnerable, loving, losing, being brave to love again. Rinse and repeat.

What would you tell your teenage self? I encourage you to noodle on what you might say. Personally, it’s been a fun exercise for me. I realized that I have more wisdom than I thought at the same time Cyndi Lauper started serenading me with Time after Time. That was a moment!

While writing this piece, something else occurred to me as 80’s music videos played in the background. Intentionally reflecting in this way brought to light some important leadership lessons I thought might be worth sharing. 

First, there is value in taking a pause and you don’t have to wait until MTV has another birthday to do it. Prioritize time to look back and reflect, make new connections, and apply lessons learned. When I was working a “normal” job, there was very little space for reflection. No time to just think. Often, I was the opposite of intentional. I was reactive. Any of this sound familiar?  Work can be greedy.  There is value in a strategic pause sometimes – the old adage of “going slow to go fast” comes to mind. I should have done that more and my team would have been better for it.  

I swear this playlist is getting eerie and it knows what I’m writing about. Spandau Ballet just showed up and is now crooning True at me. 

Second, just the act of sharing something that means something to you is a significant leadership moment. So much vulnerability required. For a while, the idea of sharing these personal thoughts filled me with dread. And I am talking about the level of pure dread you feel when you are about to look at your email after being on a long vacation. Dread with a capital D!  I did it though.  As a leader, let your team see you. Your values, the things you care about, what worries you, etc. in whatever way feels appropriate to you. Embrace your inner Ted Lasso and recognize the positive impact that only that level of authenticity can provide.

Van Halen’s Panama just came on! That’s my cue to wrap this up. OMG, how I loved that band. Teenage me is about to rock out now. 

Until next time, a few questions I encourage you to ponder: How will you prioritize a strategic pause to reflect? How could operating with more intention benefit your goals, project, or organization and what difference could that make for you and the people around you? How will you show your team or your peers a little more of…you? What would the impact be for your relationships at work, your ability to influence, and levels of trust?